Kathi
Hey, my friend, what is up? And welcome back to another episode of do life big today is a really special day, because I have a special guest Kelsey on the do life big podcast. And I have known Kelsey now for 10 years, and I know this episode is going to be filled with so many gems. You are going to love it and you're going to love her. So, thanks for being here, Kelsey.
Kelsey
Oh my gosh. I'm so excited to be here. This is like a dream to be just sitting here having a conversation with you in general. So I'm excited.
Kathi
I know, me too. I'm super excited. So why don't we just kick this off by Why don't you let everybody know what you do and who you help, and then we'll go from there.
Kelsey
Yeah, hi, so I'm Kelsey Smith. I am in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I have been married now for eight years. I am a mom to three under five years old. It is craziness in this house we had, we went through fertility treatments to conceive our first two babies, and then our third was the biggest shock of a lifetime. He came about. We found out we were pregnant with him eight months after I had my daughter. So it was crazy, though this house is crazy. My life has been straight chaos for the last two years, but right now, I am a social media strategist and digital and manager, and I help a lot of entrepreneurs really scale their businesses and identify their brand identity, so that way they can make more money online. I want to make sure that your you are heard, you are seen. Your messaging is effective and clear. So that way you can attract in that ideal client. Because I think that's where a lot of people get stuck on social media, is that they look left, they look right, they see what everybody else is doing. They try to take what everybody else is doing, and then they lose themselves in the process. So my job is to help entrepreneurs get super clear on that messaging, super clear on their social media strategy, so that way they can make more money.
Kathi
That sounds good to me. Sign me up, baby. And you know, it's so interesting that you say all that too, because it's so true. I even noticed it sometimes myself, where you're looking at what this person's doing, that person's doing, and then it's like, you lose Who the heck you are and what you want to be doing, and you lose sight on that, lose focus on that. And one of the things I know that we were talking about a little bit earlier, we were both in the same you know, for those of you who don't know us in our journey, we were both in the same network marketing business, and so we've known each other for 10 years. We were working with Beachbody, or body, whatever you want to call it. You can call it whatever you want these days. That's in the past. Matter exactly doesn't matter. But one of the things that you had mentioned was that you had kind of tied yourself to the company's products and almost like lost who you were, and you know, what your identity was, and then when you made that shift to something else, you were kind of stuck there and floundering for a little bit. So, I think it'd be really helpful if you could talk a little bit about that.
Kelsey
Yeah, it's gonna, I mean, I kind of wheel back a few years, because this has been, honestly, and I told you this, this has been, like, a crazy few years for me, and not just because I have 3000 kids now, it's more so because, you know, I had to really, once you become a mom, like everything changes. Like everything changes, everything you thought you knew, everything that you were passionate about. Like, things just start to change. Because it's not about you anymore. It's about raising these beautiful human beings to be the best people they can be. And so, in order for you to do that, you have to change right? Like you have to do all this internal work, and all of this stuff from your path starts boiling on up and you have to address it, or it's going to be spread down the line. So it has been wild. And I tell you that for a reason, because I, whenever I had my daughter, I first, I was with Beachbody for seven years at that point, and then I had my daughter, we went through that fertility struggle to get her, but whenever I had her, that was the first time I had this little itch where I was like, I don't think this is it for me, but I ignored it for a while. I'm supposed to step out in entrepreneurship. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing my own thing. And I remember she was eight months old, or I think it was like, she's like, 10 months old. And I was in the shower, and the best ideas come in the shower. And I was into I put on my 10. I ran downstairs, looked at my husband, and I was like, I am supposed to create this community for moms that. And I went on this whole spiel, like, when I have an idea, I'm like, let's go. He's just staring at me, like, holding our daughter. He's like, then, go do it.
So I was like, okay, but I didn't think anything of like, okay, it's supposed to be something different. I just said, you know what? It's supposed to be part of this network marketing, what I'm doing, right? So I started to have that itch. I created it. It was incredible. Like, the response was amazing. I stuck with that for a little bit, but I still had that itch. And I would go to these events for that company, and I would leave, and I wouldn't have the same feeling I used to have, like, I just, I was noticing that, like, things were changing. And then 2022, I was 33 weeks pregnant with my second so I just assumed that I was just miserable because I was not pregnant, right? But then eight weeks after she's born, I go to another event, and it was the one that we, you and I go to every year at our leadership event, and I was, I left the event feeling different, and that was like, when I started to be like, okay, something is really off here. Like, I didn't, I didn't, wasn't that I didn't love it anymore, and that I didn't like it anymore. It was just that I felt that push. Well, fast forward another year. I'm now pregnant with my third I mean; this is clearly a trend at this point. Yeah, that was and then November of 23 so we're literally at one year right now, is when I made the decision. I got on a phone call with this woman, and I was Kathi. I was in like the I can't even describe to you, this moment of my life. I felt like I was at rock bottom and hang on my closet floor, and she was on the phone with me, and she goes, You are seven months pregnant with this beautiful baby, and you are inflicting so much stress on this baby and your other two kids are not getting the best of you, because you are floundering in like you're ignoring what God is trying to tell you to do, and that is to move that is to move in faith, right? And start doing your own thing. And so she said, I want you to shut it off for an entire week. And if you know me, I don't shut it off. I am like a, type a, I'm type A, I am an Enneagram three. I don't I hear you said, shut it off and listen for sign, listen for guidance.
So I decided for the first time in a decade, wow, work my business, really. And I got really quiet, wow. And I heard a message that just said it's time to burn the boats. Was a podcast talking about burning the boats, and that was all I needed to hear. And I made the decision to step out and to start doing my own thing. So I was like, This is scary. You know, anytime you're starting a business, it's scary. It is. But the scariest thing for me was, at the moment I left that I had no idea who I was anymore, yeah, because I attributed every everything, I did all day long, everything I shared on social media, everything that I talked about was about that, right? And I was like, Oh my gosh. Like, this is insane. And then I ended up completely canceling my account, which was another huge paid move back in February, and losing my entire business. I was forced to leave it if I was going to do something else, and I went through this past year. I know this is very long winded, but this past year, I went through probably an eight- or nine-month identity crisis, just like, who am I? Like, what am I supposed to be doing? And it was gut wrenching. It was gut wrenching to think that you knew like this, this entire thing that you based your entire life around like it was all of a sudden, gone, and then it's like, now what I know, just a mom of three very small kids. Now, I have just lost all my income. Now I have to start over, and I am two months postpartum. Going up is fun, yeah, so I'm going through this mental struggle. So that's how I got there. I don't know if you had anything like you wanted to weigh in on, but like, I got there, just like I kept making faith move after faith move. I finally did it, and then it even it wasn't what I expected it to be once I did it,
Kathi
I know.
Kelsey
It was, I was like, now what?
Kathi
Oh, my God. I know.
Kelsey
horrible, but yeah, I don't know if you want to add it.
Kathi
Yeah, no. I mean, it's so true. I feel like, especially, it's so easy to just get so consumed when you're, you know, representing like another company, type of thing like that, where like that just becomes like who you are. So, everything you share, everything you talk about, all the recognition, all the rank, all everything you like, forget who you are, sometimes along the process, and then when that stripped away from you, and I feel like so many people go through this, like so many people, and I don't even know like I feel like most people probably don't actually figure it out, like you did.
Kelsey
No, I was told I went back to that same person, the same exact person that had me on my knees in my closet, crying my eyes out, that told me that I was just like, a ball of stress and needed to, you know, shut it off and, like, listen to my inner voice. I went back to her, and the words you have to make your mess, your message, is what really resonated with me. And so I said, What's the mess right now? Okay, why aren't you on this healing journey? Why don't you start figuring out who you are, and then while when you figure out who you are. The evidence of what you're supposed to be doing with your life is just going to become clear. Right? In the first few months, it was just to be mom, it was just to take care of myself. It was just to heal myself from the inside out, because I just had my third baby in four years, like that's a lot, that's a lot, right? It's a lot of my mental health. So I had to figure that out. I worked with what I had, I poured into what I could. But it wasn't until a few months ago, when I looked around and I said what I could finally start identifying the stuff that I was really good at. And then I was like, Okay, there's I had. I have 10 years of experience here. I know that's a lot. Was I really good at in those in that thing? Like, maybe I don't want to pull from all of it, but what stuff that really lit me up? And then I started pulling that out and dissecting it, and that's how we got here, because this is what I was good at. And now I'm taking that mess of, like, I don't know who the heck I am, teaching other people how to figure out who the heck they are, you know, and like, what they're passionate about, and how to make that a business on their own.
Kathi
Oh, my God, I know it's such a whirlwind when you really think about it, you know, it's like, 10 full years of your life, and, you know, I went through the same exact thing, like, you know, you said, I remember, you know, having that kind of tug on the heart to start my own business when I was still doing Beachbody. Like, I feel like I'm meant to go out and create my own course and do this, that and the other thing. And I just ignored it like you did for like, so long, because it's like, well, in my mind, this is what my problem was. I don't know if you ever had this problem, but my whole thing was, if I was going to be leaving, you know, Beachbody, or just changing or doing something, in my mind, I made that mean that, like, I'm a quitter, like you're a quitter, yeah, and like I am not a quitter, like I'm like, I'm not a quitter. So I resisted that for so long, because I'm like, I'm not a quitter, until finally, like, two and a half years after of ignoring that, that's when I finally said, Okay, well, this does not mean that I'm a quitter. It's okay to pivot and change, and you grow as the years go on. And that's one of the things that I did love about the business that we were in, is that you grow so much like all the personal development that you do, you change, you outgrow things, and that's okay, right? And I'm just glad that you listened, yeah, I'm just glad that you listened to, you know, what was on your heart eventually, because so many people don't, you know, so many people are like, just ignore it. Just keep doing it, even if you're miserable, even if you're unfulfilled. And especially now, I feel like, when you have little kids, you know? I mean, you know, when I started Beachbody, I purposely started that business so that I could be home with your kids were your kids were very little. I mean, they were so little. They were like two and like six months old. And I did it purposely so that I could be home with them. And now look at me now, now all three of my kids are in school, and so my whole thing has always been about like, doing whatever you can to create more time to be with your kids, because it's such a small window. And you have, like, the rest of your life to work, right? I mean, you have the rest of your life to grind and work and change ideas and try new things, but you only have this, like, super small window when they're little and you're home with them, and then that's it. They're gone, and then you're at home crying like me, like I'm too old to have another kid?
Kelsey
Yeah, yeah. I think that a lot of times too is like, and I don't ever want to discount, like, with some of you guys that are listening might be going through, because you might be in that, that really heavy season right now, you know? Yeah. And truthfully, Kathi and I were just talking before we started recording. We're like, we still have days where we're like, Am I on the right track, right? Am I still doing the right thing? And it's all, it's always gonna feel like that. I feel like, I feel like purpose is such a loaded word. And I mean, I might be the outlier here, but I think that all these books and all these people that are talking about the purpose of your life, I'm like, How the hell do you know that you know really? And I think that's what stresses people out so much, and they can't refigure out what they're actually good at, because they're searching for this lifelong purpose, right? And it's like, maybe your purpose is just to listen to your inner guide and to start taking steps, like taking steps of obedience every single day. It's like, okay, I'm really good at this, so I'm gonna go try this. You know? It's just taking steps of figuring it out, instead of sitting complacent and staying still. That's the biggest mistake we make is that we're certainly waiting for this green light, and the green light ain't coming. Like, we're not coming. You're not going to get this, like, Halo pop up above your head. You know where it's gonna now. Here it is. Here's your sign. Go this way. It doesn't happen, believe me, I've waited long enough to find that, but I will say that if you can just take small steps, like, how you were just saying Kathi, like those, those years where we grew so much, I thought, and this is insane of me to think, I thought that was it. I was going to be there forever. Yeah, that was my job. Like I wasn't leaving. I never thought outside that box. And that's why I ended up where I was right. That's honestly why a lot of people that are going through it right now, that are coming from there are going through that. I know they didn't expect it to go but it was never theirs to begin with, Right exactly. And I think that the smartest move you can make is when you feel that burning passion in your heart, when you feel it like, hey, I need to take those steps. I need to go after this. Like, go after it. Like every. You, we need to view every stage of our life as the next stepping stone instead of the final destination. That's my opinion. Yeah, exactly those 10 years I was there, that was the longest job I've ever had. It was incredible. It did me so much good. It gave me the that I have. It gave me my kids. But it was never the end game. It never exactly you feel that itch and that burning desire that is your sign. Like, I'm not gonna agree on that. That is the sign to start, the sign that moves.
Kathi
Oh, my God, yeah, it's definitely the sign. I think that, like, sometimes, most of the time, actually, I feel like people just get so nervous thinking about the uncertainty of it, you know, like they have that little burning desire, like, Oh, I really wish that I could do this, or, Oh, I feel like I should pivot to this, or start this business, or do this next move in my business, but because they don't know the outcome, and they have that uncertainty, you know, it puts all that stress on them. Like, well, what? And then that's where you get in your own head. What if it doesn't work out? What if this is a bad idea? What? You know, you start going down that path which that just keeps you paralyzed and stuck right where you are, right?
Kelsey
Yeah, yeah. And like it's, you're never gonna have it all figured out. Like it's just, that's the thing is, like you're just not. And if I had to go back and give myself advice two years ago, it would be just, just to start taking the small steps, like you don't have to dive all the way into the pool, like you don't have to, like, leave lose it all and knowing to go to rock bottom before you make changes, I start listening to yourself. Yeah, so sort of passion, like, just take a small step. What is that first step? If you don't know the first step, go find somebody that knows the first step. Like, go start figuring that out, and be once you do figure it out, you can go and be an advisor to someone else. So you can help somebody else that's going through it. And that's, that's the beauty of entrepreneurship and community like this, is that we're here to, we're not here to gate keep we're here to share secrets. We're here to say this is how it's done. And there is not a day that goes by where I'm still not out there looking for advice and trying to, Oh, yeah. So you know, I don't have it all figured out by any means of No, no, but I'm, I'm always, I'm always, I'm willing to go look for the answers. And that's just, that's it, like, if we can be willing to go look for answers and figure out what it is that we want and listen to our inner voice, you know, and sit down and get quiet, like, that's the biggest thing people don't do. They don't get quiet. And that's what I didn't do, yeah? And that's what I was thinking when I was forced to get quiet. That's when the answers came.
Kathi
Right. That's what I was actually just going to ask you. I was going to ask you that exact question, like, if someone is in that position right now where they feel like I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something else, not this, but I don't really know, and I don't know how to figure it out, and I just feel super overwhelmed by it, and I feel like I don't even know who I am. Is that the advice that you'd recommend, then, is to start with sitting in the silence. Just be quiet with yourself first.
Kelsey
First thing you're going to do is you're going to shut it all off, because we live in a noisy world, and that is in, like, right now, like, the biggest mistake I said, You're it's, how easy is it to just go on Instagram and be like, I'm going to start a digital business. I'm going to do this because, like, everybody's doing that right, right? But if you just get quiet and, like, the biggest advice I can give is just deep breath. Yeah, quiet. Okay, right now, my house is empty. Oh, that's very rare. Like, it's silent, no kids screaming in the background, no dogs barking, pull out a pen and paper and start journaling, start talking to yourself. The thing is, the one thing that had worked the best for me is listening to my own voice. And so what did that mean? I'd ask myself a question, and then I'd answer it.
Kathi
Yeah, right, when you were sitting in the silence, that's what they say to do.
Kelsey
Yeah. I would just be like, what are you really good at? Kelsey? I'm really good at social media. I'm really good at helping people figure out their message. I'm really good at niching, I'm really good at messaging, I'm really good at storytelling. I'll start writing it out, not bagging, but this is what I'm good at, right? And then I'd say, what kind of businesses can you create with that? I was like, my own little chat GPT, right? I wasn't using, you know, I wasn't using any social media. I wasn't using chat GPT. I was using myself. Yeah, what can what business can you create with that you can go help to and it's the same now I go and I do help people add branding calls with people. I have clients that I do their entire social media for. I You have my uncle, you know what I mean. And so it's like, that's my advice if you're in that right now, just get just get quiet because, and then find somebody that is where you want to go. Like, there are people are willing to help. Yeah, they are go invest in another training, if I'm being honest with you, like, that's the last thing people need. Is no more things like, go dump another two grand on another course. Like, unless you really need it. Because, again, you should. Kathi and I are both digital creators, like we'd love to have you, but still, you know, go find something. Don't spend your money on something just to spend your money on something because you're don't spend your money on something to find an answer, right? Exactly, the answers aren't going to be in that course, no, they're not on social media. The answers are in here. And. And that's the biggest thing to keep in mind. Like, just get quiet and allow yourself to think.
Kathi
I know it's so important. Oh, it's really loud. It's so loud. And I feel like too. Like, with that is what a lot of people try to do. They try to just, well, you know, I know my problem is I think I need a course on this, or I think I need a training on this, and they keep going to the outside circumstances to try to fix their internal problem, you know, and get them to break through. But at the end of the day, like, you can figure a lot of it out if you just sit in the silence. And I actually hadn't done that in like forever, until, like, not even that long ago, I went to a business event, and we, it was like a whole spiritual event. I did not want to go, by the way, because I don't like to sit with my feelings.
Kelsey
I understand you had a tough that was the weekend I think, that you lost your dog, right?
Kathi
Yes, that was the weekend that, yeah, that my that Nick had to put the dog down to sleep and everything. And I just, I didn't want to go to the event. Because, again, I was questioning, like, what are you doing? Like, is this really what you're supposed to be doing? Like, I started to, kind of, you ask yourself these questions as normal, right? So I didn't want to go to the event. I knew that it was going to be this whole spiritual event type of thing where we're going to have to do, like, a deep dive into ourselves and pull up all this stuff and all these emotions. And I'm like, I don't want to deal with that, because I'm like, the hype girl, and I'm like, we got this and like, I don't want to feel but I went and that was the first and it was the best thing I could have ever done, because it was the first time that we really did, like, a deep dive into, like, meditation and sitting in the silence. And it is crazy, the things that you can figure out about yourself. You know your next best move, if you just can sit in the silence. You know, it's really crazy, like you just ask yourself the question, like you said, and you can hear yourself answer, and that's never the wrong answer, because it's you.
Kelsey
Yeah. Like, you know, it's just, like, it's just too noisy.
Kathi
Yeah, and it's so crazy, because so many times, like people will ask, like, you know, they'll go to other people for like, Well, what do you think about this? Or do you think I should do this? Or almost like they're asking you're looking for permission to make the transition, but no one knows about you.
Kelsey
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I literally say that. Actually, I'm guilty. I say all the time. I'm like, I just need someone to tell me what to do. I say it all the time, yeah, I'm in therapy. Okay? Like, I believe in therapy. And I tell my..
Kathi
I'm in therapy too.
Kelsey
She'll just sit there and she'll just like, nod. And I'm like, can you say something I hate that? Give me some advice, right? And it's not her job to let me talk so I can figure things out. But I don't want somebody to tell me what to do. I want that. I'm like, I said, I'm an Enneagram theory. Give me a checklist.
Kathi
Me too.
Kelsey
Right?
Kathi
And we are the same.
Kelsey
I'll go do it and I'll get it done fast. But the figuring out of, like, you know, having to get still and figuring it out, that's not a strong suit of mine. That's not something that's big. And so that was what, honestly, I told you, I was struggling with this decision for years, yeah, and the second I got quiet was when I was like, you gotta burn the boats. No more looking back like you gotta go forward and and even after the moment of burning the boats and having this identity crisis and figuring it out, like, I'm a year out from that moment right now, and I'm just now seeing the harvest start to come, right? That's now, like, it's going to take a second. That's also another year, you know, a year of me up and down and back and forth.
Kathi
Yeah, and you gotta be patient. And also too, like, while having little kids, it's like you've need to make sure that you have healthy boundaries, so that you know you're giving them your best and you're spending time with them, and, you know, it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot, but we got this.
Kelsey
Somebody else that doesn't have, like, in my stage of life right now, with, like, very small kids, like, you probably would figure it out a lot faster. Like, I'm gonna be honest, because my brain cells don't work where they used to. But yeah, I'm just very, like, confident that, like, my journey is unfolding the way that it needs to. Like, I made the move, even though I don't, even though it doesn't make sense. Like I am a very faith-based person, like, even though I just know it's time, you know, like, I just look back at February and leaving Beachbody, like, now it doesn't even exist. I know. Like, see how it all happens. Yeah, and that was, and I've never felt like it was, I was so sad, you know, when no, but then I was, like, I felt so much gratitude because I was protected from, like, I got to make that choice no one else had to make. Couldn't make it for me. And so I still, right now, I'm like, Okay, if that same God or that Satan, whatever you believe, can get me there, into this position. I can't even imagine what's next for me. I can't even imagine.
Kathi
No, I know, and I am a firm believer. Like, I always tell this to myself as, like, crappy of a situation that is as hard as it is, as stressful as it is, like, I always tell myself. Yeah, this is happening exactly the way it's meant to happen. Like, everything works out exactly the way it's meant to, you know, I believe in God too. I'm, you know, very faithful. I just trust in the journey. And I think that, like, as long as you keep listening to that little inner voice, you can't go wrong. And like, doors may close, new ones open for other opportunities that wouldn't have been there if those doors hadn't closed. And I just think it, it always works out for the best in the end.
Kelsey
It does really.
Kathi
It always does.
Kelsey
It does 300%. Like, everything, everything happens the way that it's supposed to. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck.
Kathi
Yeah, exactly. Right. It can really suck. It can be like, Why is this happening? This is such but you know, in hindsight, when you look back, you're like, Okay, now I can see why that had to happen, or why that happened the way that it did, because it wouldn't have led me down this path to this new endeavor, or whatever it was.
Kelsey
Yeah, absolutely.
Kathi
What a journey, I'll tell you.
Kelsey
Oh yeah, it's been, it has been a roller coaster, but everything, like I said, like we talked about, everything, just makes sense. Now, you know, like, I mean not everything. I'm not gonna say everything makes sense, but a lot of things make sense. Now, like, I'm still working through a lot, I'm still trying to figure it out, but I cannot be more thankful that I was given those 10 years because it has given me the skills for the next chapter, like I do, whereas somebody you know who is in, you know, a normal nine to five, which is fine, right? You know it will happen if their job were to leave today and they wanted to start entrepreneurship, you know, like it's going to be, it's going to be a long road, right? Skills to learn, but so I am grateful, yeah, these last 10 years with another company to equip me to do this myself.
Kathi
Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I know it's true. It's like, I always look back on that. I'm like, you know, I wouldn't be the person who I am today if it weren't for me starting that first business. You know, 10 years ago. There's no way. I mean, I was, like, very insecure and very just I lacked confidence. I know it's crazy, right, but I did. I lacked confidence. That's not you at all. You're right. Yeah, I've grown so much. I mean, I would have never had the confidence to move away from all my family in Massachusetts down here. I wouldn't have done any of these things. This life would not exist without it. So looking back, it is always important to remember that, like, none of it is ever wasted, like you've learned so much, and like, when you start something new, you just take all those skills with you from the past to help you. And you know what I wanted to ask, though, real quick before I forget, while you're going through this whole, like, identity crisis thing, and you're like, I don't know what I want to do. How did Zach handle this? Like, I just, like, kind of hearing about, like, the spouse support here was he like, I'm gonna kill you, Kelsey. Like, or was he like, Yeah, we're gonna be fine. Like, how did that go down?
Kelsey
Yeah, it started off with a lot of support, but the longer it went on, the more frustrated he got. I mean, total transparency, because, but the same time, it's not his life, it's his life that affects him, but it's not like his direct life, right, right? But I also think that the problem that I was, what I was doing with him, is that, like, I was also asking him to give me answers, and he didn't have these answers for me, right? Like he just all, all men see are dollar signs, and exactly all men see are, like, France, like, so my husband was also, you know, in the newborn stage, we're also adjusting. He's also adjusting to life with three kids. Now, he has a wife that is literally unhinged, you know, trying to figure out her wife, you know. And it has, like, completely, like, just dumped her last business all four he was he was done, like he was done for years. He was telling way before I did. And I should have, like I said, I he's the closest person to me. I probably should have listened harder, but I was so loyal and so happy where I was, it was hard for me to do that. Yeah, but we still have disagreements about this. Like, even when I bring stuff up to him, like, he'll still be like, Kelsey, just chill. Like, just chill because, like, I'm like, he's like, you gotta he's because he doesn't have answers for me. So yeah, it's I mean to be honestly, like hit his and I relationship. I can't really tell you if it's more of like my identity crisis, if it was more of like us adjusting to three kids, or if it was a combination of all of it. It's been a rough few month for both of us as well, because, like, he's a part of this, he's a part of this transition and a part of this journey. However, I will say, in the last few months, like, just him, what he has been super excited, like, seeing me, like, get my, like, what do you call it? Like, your pink back, right? Your joy back, yeah. And just seeing me happy, just seeing me doing the things that I'm really good at. And finally, I think one thing he mentioned is finally releasing the past and not looking back at it being like, should I done something different? It's like, my mindset has changed to it's always about the next day. It's not about yesterday, it's about the next day now, and right better. So I think in the past few months it's definitely gotten better. But yeah, I mean, it's been rough for the whole family, for sure, and I that was when I just realized I was like, I can't. Have this impacting our kids, like, I can't have this impact on the marriage. I really gotta figure this out.
Kathi
I know. And actually, since you're talking about that real quick, what tip do you have for someone who's in like, the same position as you that does have the little kids at home and they're thinking like, you know, they want to get to the next level in their business, or maybe they want to start a business, or they want to start taking it seriously, but they worry that they can't do it because now they have like, three little kids at home, or however many they have. What advice would you give for them? Like, do you have any tips on how to like structure your day, or fit in the business, or what works for you?
Kelsey
Yeah, this is the unpopular answer, but you need to get help. Yeah? Like, I know, like, I would, I would love to pull out a calendar until you have a time block your schedule and tell you how to do all those things. And I think that stuff's very important, but you have to get somebody to help you. Like, that's the end of the study. With three small like, you don't need to. I think the biggest thing that I always said is like, I felt like a failure, or whatever. Like, my son was born back in January, because I was like, I that was the first time I realized I couldn't do it all, like, oh yeah. Didn't have the I didn't think I no longer had the capacity. With one, I could work things in in nap times, right? Maybe that's something you can do with two. I had, you know, one of them, you know, going to, like, preschool, you know, twice a week. So I was able to figure out my schedule throughout the week based off naps and where everybody was. But now you know my four-year-old, she's up, she doesn't nap anymore. I have a two-year-old that naps once a day. I have a 10-month-old that is naps twice a day. So I’m like, nothing ever overlaps. There's no time other than this very second of me being on this podcast, I am by myself, and so I had to own the fact that this was the best advice that was given to me, and maybe this will help somebody else. Help somebody else. Whenever your husband goes to work, he is not required to bring the children, right? So you think you should do the same?
Kathi
I know you just can't.
Kelsey
Can't. So my suggestion is, if you can get part time help, and that doesn't make you a failure as a mom entrepreneur, you know, and everybody's homes are different. Like, everybody's budgets are different. If you have family clothes, that's helpful, but if you can get a solid two days of your week right, help, like, isn't gonna be every day, right? Where I started, I started with two days a week, and I jam packed those days, and then it is, and then I'm set for the rest of the week because I can't be mom and entrepreneur at the same time. It cannot happen. It just doesn't work. My husbands not required to do that in his work. I shouldn't be required to do it at mine. There's nothing wrong with me having your career and also being a mom, you know. So my suggestion at this point is that's my advice, is just find someone to help you, even if that's you having to work on the weekends and while your husband, like, you gotta, you gotta outsource this. Yeah, lots of time. If you have, like, more, like, one or two, you can, you can figure that out. And I still do that at times.
Kathi
Need the help for sure.
Kelsey
Yeah, it's too stressful.
Kathi
It's way too stressful. I mean, that was, like, one of the things that, like killed me when I first started, like, 10 years ago. I mean, I'm getting old now. I mean, now I'm 42 you know. But when I started, you know, I was 32 and I had this whole thing in my mind where I was like, I'm not missing any of the moments with the kids. I'm not having anybody help me watch the kids. This was my mentality, right? That's how I work. So then I would work at nights. Well, you can only do that for so long, and then eventually it burns the shit right out of you. You know what I mean? Like you can only you're with your kids all day long. You're waking up all night long, nursing them, all this other stuff. And then, you know, the kids go to bed at eight o'clock, and then I'm up work until 1212, 30 at night on the business, which I did love. But the point is, is that like you will get so burnt out you can't do it. And that's the thing, if like you want to be an entrepreneur like you do have to have some help, and you don't need a lot of hours. You don't need to people think they have to work way longer and harder than they do to see success in their business. But you can do both. You can be an awesome mom and be a kick ass entrepreneur at the same exact time, but that's why, even, like nowadays, now that even with all three of my kids are in school, I mean, you'd think I have all this time. I'm like, oh, what I remember? Like, yeah, I remember like, waiting for this moment, like, oh, not like, counting down the days. Like, I wish that they weren't in school all day, to be honest. Like, I hate that those days are gone. But I just remember thinking it was gonna feel like I had all this time. And it just, it's crazy how fast like, the day actually goes by, because it's like, you really only have this window from like 830 to 230 it's like five hours, and it's like, you know, you do the workout in there, you do the thing. But my point is, is that I was like, I'm not working nights ever again, like when I stopped and I transitioned out of Beachbody, like three years ago, whenever it was four years ago, I was like, I'm not like doing nights ever again. I might do like an occasional call here or there, but I'm not like working at night, you know, like when the kids come to school, it's like, all right, the sports, the dinner, all the things, and then when the kids go to bed at night, it's like, just. Me and Nick time to hang out. I'm not going to be doing any work at night.
Kelsey
I don't blame you.
Kathi
I'm too tired. Now I'm focused on, like, just getting really good sleep at night, you know, at age 42, when you get there, everybody, when you get there.
Kelsey
I'm coming to you. I'm not the same as me. Like, I'm still up all night, you know, feeding. But, like, yeah, that kind of stuff matters, you know, it's just, I don't know. I just don't want, you know, we just don't want our families to suffer at the fact that we are being stubborn and exactly like my kids right now are at the library with their grandma, like they're having a good time, I'm able to focus, you know, like that is, that's the kind of life that I want my kids to have like I want them to feel then when, when they come home and mom is with them, like, right? Mom's present.
Kathi
Exactly, exactly I know, and I can get like, I feel like I'm the same as you where, like, you know, where this type A personality, Enneagram three, where I never used to like to ask for help. And I'm not talking business, I'm talking every area of my life. I wanted to be able to do everything myself, and if I asked for help, it was like a sign of weakness or something. It was weird. Yeah, glad that ship has sailed.
Kelsey
Now. It took me to get to kid number three to finally start letting go of some control they gave me. I was like, Oh my gosh. Like, I can't I just mentally cannot. But, yeah, it's, it's not a sign of weakness to just be like, we need to figure this out.
Kathi
I know so true, so good. Well, do you have any lasting words that you'd like to leave the audience with? And then if you could just let us know where people can connect with you, or how they could reach out to you, that'd be awesome, too.
Kelsey
Yeah, I think the biggest thing I just want to leave you with is just trust yourself. You know, at the end of the day, just trust yourself. The one repeating thing that I feel like we've talked about multiple times in this conversation is just, you know, stop looking outside for your answers. Yeah, like everything that you're going through right now is normal, like, if you're feeling confused, if you're wondering what you should do next in your career, if you're wondering how to, you know, make more times, you know to be spread on your business and with your family. Like all there's answers to all of it, because anything that you're personally struggling with right now, like somebody else has gone through that and overcome it. So, my I just want to leave you with this is like, you know the answer. You know how to figure it out. Just get quiet, take it in, and if no and if you feel an itch, if you feel that desire to take a step, you don't have to jump all the way in. Just take the first step. Just start navigating where that where that's trying to lead you. I promise you that you're going to figure this out. I promise you just don't attach your worth or your identity to anything other than you. And if you're a faith-based person like us, like into your to your Lord and Savior, that's it, like you, that is your identity, not the company you work for, not even not your title as mom or wife, like you are the person you are the brand. And that's what I want to leave you with, so you can find me on Instagram at Kelsey Smith coaching. And then, if you have any interest in learning more about how to, you know, get clear on your brand and get clear on your messaging and storytelling. I have for the remainder of 2024 I have social media success blueprints that I'm offering, which is a one-on-one service where I really help you nail down that ideal client that messaging everything about your brand, so that way you can go into the new year and know how to talk to that ideal client and make some more money. So that's what I got.
Kathi
That's awesome. I love it. Thank you so much, Kelsey, this was so good. And thank you guys, so much for listening. Thanks for being here. You know, I love you. I think you're awesome, and I'll see you the next time. Bye!
