Hey, my friend what is up, and welcome back to another episode of Do Life Big. Today's episode is going to be a good one. And it's all about the psychology of happiness and how we can be happier now who the heck doesn't want to have more happiness in their life? Right? I am sure that every person listening to this podcast, I'm assuming, wants to be happy, right? Or you want more happiness in your life, you want more gratitude, you want more peacefulness in your life. But you might also be asking, well, how the heck do I get there, I want to be happier. I want to find happiness, but I'm just not quite sure how to get there. Or maybe you're someone who feels like you've lost that happiness. And here's the thing, it's not like happiness is a one-size-fits-all all. Because what makes me happy won't necessarily make you happy, and vice versa. And so some people are really simple. And they find happiness and the little things and then other people need a little bit more to be happy. And that's okay, too. But there's been a lot of research, and a lot of studies done out there about what actually makes a person happy, and how you can increase your happiness. And I love this kind of stuff.
This is going back to when I went to college, and I had my degree in psychology. And I just remember I loved taking my positive psychology class and learning all about how the brain works. And I just loved reading all the research and all of the studies. And this is something that I've been really passionate about for about like 20 years now 20 plus years of this idea of creating your own happiness and being happy and having more optimism and positivity in your life.
So today, we're going to talk about how to be happier. And yes, the truth is, if you want to be happier, you have to work to be happier, it's going to require some intentional work on your end. And happiness is really totally subjective. So what that means is that you can actually make yourself happy at any moment. Now, I know hearing that might piss off some people, it might get you a little aggravated hearing this and some may say yeah, okay, Kathi? Well, you know, it's easy for you to say because you don't know my frigging life and what I'm dealing with and what I'm going through what I've been through and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So how can you just tell me that I can be happy at any moment. But that's just you basing everything on all external circumstances. And happiness is not, hey, you know, when this happens, then I'll be happy. Happiness is you making the decision that, hey, look, I will be happy no matter what happens in my life. And so this is really important to really just step back and think about because happier people have better relationships, they have less stress, and they're more resilient when they are faced with adversity.
Now in terms of neuroscience, think about it for a second here. Can you actually see happiness in the brain? Or is it something that you just feel? And neuroscientists have done lots of studies on this. And it turns out that you actually can see happiness in the brain, when someone really feels happiness. There are certain areas in the brain that are associated with happiness that actually, you can see activity going on, for example, in the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and then the striatum. Those are the three areas that are responsible for that. And so when you are not happy, when emotions are high, your logic is low. And that is because it actually shuts down part of your prefrontal cortex and that's also the area that's in charge of your decision making and planning. And so vice versa, when you're happier, and you're in a more joyful state, you actually make better decisions, you plan better. And now if you look at the next part of the brain that's affected by happiness is the amygdala. And this place is where you process all of your emotions, and especially fear and anxiety, this is where they live.
And so the research has shown that when you have more happiness, you actually have less activity in this area of the brain, which means you have less fear, and you have less negative emotion, happier people have less fear. And they're less worried, who the heck doesn't want to have less fear and less worry in their life, right. And then the last part, the striatum, this part is involved in the reward processing and motivation. And so happier, people tend to have more motivation to get them to that reward. Alright, so all these things are really important. So that's how happiness works now in your actual brain.
Now, let's talk about the social factors of happiness. Okay, so people who have social connections, social support, deep integration of friends, it's a solid, solid indicator of how happy they are going to be. And actually, Harvard did this really long, like 80 plus year study. And the number one thing that they found that makes people happy, or sad and depressed, is their deep relationships that they have in their life. People who have deep relationships with just a few people, people, they can love people, they can trust, people who can accept them for who they are, tend to be way happier. And in turn, they actually live longer, versus people who have toxic relationships with people who they're closest to actually tend to live less than the people who are happier. So this social support and deep connection, that you have these deep relationships, that you have just a few people actually buffers against any of the negative effects of stress and improves your mental and physical health, which also increases your happiness. So when you have a good social support system, it doesn't mean that you need to have like 100 friends and have like all these friends in the world. But if you have just one or two people who you can really trust, then it will act as a huge buffer toward the negative effects and stress that you feel in life.
And so really focusing on cultivating those good positive relationships. It's something that you have to work on, it plays a huge role in this because relationships are work they are, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship we're talking about. Relationships are work, and they take time, and they take patience, and they're just like trying to grow a garden. It's like, if you have a garden, you got to get out there, and you actually got to take the time to take care of the garden, right? So it's about the depth of the relationships that you have with a few people, not about the quantity of them. So happiness is not found outside. I know some people say, you know, I'll be happier “when”, No, happiness is not found outside. It's a state of mind that can be cultivated, it can be grown through deliberate effort of saying, Hey, I am going to be happy, no matter what happens to me, I'm going to be positive no matter what happens to me. And I'm not talking about toxic positivity here. Like, the shit is fricking hitting the fan. And you're like, Oh, my God, I'm just so fricking happy no matter what's happening in my life. No, you can look at negative things and say, Okay, I'm gonna go through this in a positive way. And I'm going to choose to find the silver lining, you can come to negative things in a positive way, right. And so it's an internal state of mind that can be grown and developed through your deliberate effort.
So now you have all this information and some research and data, some of the science behind it. And now, how can we look at this and say, Okay, well, how now can I actually apply this to my life to actually be happier? How can I get better at this area in my life, and I know I've said this before on so many episodes, and probably my husband is going to make fun of me for saying this once again. But the key to all of this, you ready for this? is gratitude. It is gratitude. And it's something that you have to practice daily. It is literally, you waking up in the morning, and you setting your mind to hey, I'm going to be grateful today, no matter what happens to me. I'm going to look around and I'm going to find the stuff that's happening to me that's good, that I love the people that I love. When you do that, it just works. It's seriously one of the simplest and most effective ways that you can increase your happiness. You know, happiness is not getting what you want. But it's wanting what you already have. I read that quote a long time ago and it's so true. You can still be motivated and want to achieve more. But can you do that from a place of gratitude immediately right now.
So it increases your happiness, your well-being, and your health and your life satisfaction when you choose to focus on gratitude daily. So even just keeping a little journal next to your bed, and just jotting down a few things first thing in the morning that you're grateful for, when you do that, your brain will start to notice more things throughout the day to be grateful for this is literally how you reprogram your mind to be happier, to be more positive. This is how you do it versus if you wake up negative and in a piste off mood, your brain is going to look for more things for you to be pissed off and negative about and let me tell you, it will find it. Because whatever you're looking for, whether you're annoyed, pissed off, aggravated, looking for negative things, and you have that in your subconscious, your brain will find more of those things. So we don't want to do that, right, we want to become happier, we want to have more peacefulness, we want to have more gratitude in our life. And so waking up every morning, putting our mind in the right direction with just thinking of those few things. Just jotting down three things each morning, can really change everything for you for the better. Now it doesn't need to be anything big to be grateful for. It could be simple things like sunset, or maybe something kind that a friend did for you the day before. Or it could be larger things to if you wanted to. Or it could be the health of your family. Or it could be the fact that the sun came out today. And you're happy about that. But it's about setting your sights on what you can be grateful for first thing in the morning, so that you start seeing unconsciously, the things that are around you that maybe you might have been missing before, because you had been focusing on negative things, and maybe you weren't even realizing that you were doing that.
So that's one key to increasing your happiness is focusing on gratitude daily. And the next key is to focus on positive relationships, you know, to step back and think, who around you is positive, who around you can lift you up and inspire you and make you feel better and challenge you to go after the things that you want in your life. And get yourself around more of those people. Get yourself around the right people. This makes all the difference. And so you need to ask yourself, right now, now that we've gone through this, you need to ask yourself, you know, is it important for me to be happier? I know that sounds kind of crazy. But some people are just like, whatever I really don't give to fun. Actually, that's as bad. Don't say any of that.
So the question that you need to ask yourself right now is, is it important for me to be happier in this life? And then if it is, then how can I start to work on this, because happiness is a state of mind. It's subjective, which means that you can decide to be happy at any moment. It's not dependent on external factors. It's dependent on your internal state. And that's something that you can control, external factors, you know, such as wealth and status, all that other stuff that may contribute a little to your emotional well-being, but they don't contribute to your happiness, you guarantee your happiness. And research has shown this time and time again, that people who are wealthy or famous and successful are not necessarily happier than those who are not those things that aren't famous or wealthy or successful. So if you're sitting here thinking, oh, you know, when I succeed, then I'll be happy or Oh, when I get this new relationship, then I'll be happier. The question is, but can you be happy right now on the way to success. So I hope that you enjoyed today's episode, if you're someone who has not grabbed my free, think this not that workbook, go to kathireuter.com/thinkthisnotthat. And it will list out 19 of the most negative limited beliefs that people think and what you can start to replace those with instead, so that you can start to reprogram your mind for success and have more confidence and have more happiness and more joy and fulfillment in your life. I'll make sure this is in the show notes. But thank you so much for being here today. I hope you enjoyed it. You know, I love you. I think you're awesome. And I will see you the next time. Bye.
