ο»ΏHey, what's up my friend, and welcome back to another episode of Do Life Big, happy New Year, here we go. 2024, it is going to be an awesome year, I can already feel it. I am so excited for you. I'm so excited for you to really go out there and make this year count, make this year matter, make this year be your best freaking year, however, that may look to you.
And today's episode, I'm really pumped to talk about this because I feel like it's something that just isn't talked about enough. And what I mean by this is, you know, it's so easy to look up to that person who is having success. I'm sure you can think of that person right now. And it's so easy to look at them and just think oh my gosh, you know, they just have it all together, don't they?
You know, they've achieved all these things. They've accomplished all these things. They've hit all these milestones. They're so successful, they have it all together, look at that house, look at where they're living, look at their relationships, look at their attitude, look at their personality, look at their thriving business. Look at look at look at look at look at all these things. Isn't she just so lucky? You know, it was probably always this way for her. Was it easy for her to get to this point? Or is that easy part? And so we see all these accolades, and all these achievements, and all of these things. And they're all these material things. And we see these successful people at the top of the mountain. And like I said, you can think to yourself that they were always like this, and they just got lucky or it was just easier for them and that you're not meant to have that same kind of success. And what we fail to hear people talk about, which is why I'm going to talk to you about this today, what we fail to hear people talk about is the hurdles, and the struggles of when they were younger, for example, or how they were as a child versus how they are now. And it's so important that we spend more time talking about this. We need to spend more time talking about where we came from, the things we had to overcome to be able to grow into the version of the person that you're looking at today. Because it wasn't always like that.
And I know for me personally, it was not always like this. So let me just give you just a little bit of a recap of Kathi as a child in a nutshell. Believe it or not, if you know me personally, as a child, I was very, very quiet, very shy. Now if you know me in real life, I'm like a loudmouth. You can hear me come in a mile down the road, especially with my laugh. And I'm loud and I laugh loud. And I joke around and I'm a ballbuster and I'm all these things. But as a child, I was not that person. I was very shy, very quiet. I was afraid to raise my hand in class. I was very just in the background kind of going with the flow never really stood out just very vanilla. I was someone who was picked on growing up for my space in between my two front teeth because I had a huge gap. I was made fun of and picked on and bullied on the school bus on the way home. My looks people made fun of my looks. They said I was ugly. No one would ever want to be with me. I would be sometimes the last to get picked in school to be on these damn kickball teams. And it always made me so nervous every time I would be just lined up against the wall and then they'd pick the two captains and then pick people and I would literally always be like the last two people standing there. Like, whatever. Obviously, I have to go on that person's team because I'm the last one, right?
My sixth-grade teacher and literally told me and a bunch of the other kids in the class that we were stupid. Then I had this mental block in my mind for a long time straight up until high school. And I had this thought that I'm just not smart enough. And it was specifically in math. And I also had to work really hard in school, I was not one of those kids like my husband, Lucky him, where, you know, he could just flip open the book, for example, and literally skim it, and never have to make a note card or highlight a damn thing and his whole entire life. And he would just have this photographic memory and he would remember everything and he would get A fricking and every single thing I would be studying so hard.
I would be making note cards, trying to memorize everything highlighting up the wazoo, all to just end up getting just an average mediocre grade on the test, okay, whatever it was, what it is, I was afraid to speak up about anything, because I was afraid that I was going to ruffle feathers, or I was afraid that, you know, I wasn't going to fit in and I wasn't going to be liked or be accepted. And I wanted to be liked. And I want it to be accepted. Which also led me to having friendships with people who would just walk all over me, and treat me like crap. And they'd be really passive-aggressive to me. And so this type of way of being had my light dimmed for years, and I didn't even realize it. And I was never really truly being me. Because I was afraid of being me. And I had this fear inside that I just wasn't really good enough, is really what it was, it was this lack of confidence that I just am not good enough. I'm constantly getting made fun of getting bullied on the bus. I'm not doing that great in school, my grades, just mediocre, you know, but it's just so everything is so hard for me. And these are the stories that, you know, I would tell myself, and this carried on for years and years and years and years and years.
And in my 30s when I actually turned 30 was the very first moment that I was introduced to personal development. And I remember making fun of this because this was something that my husband used to do back in the day when you know, he was in college, getting his MBA, and he was always into, you know, reading these books on, you know, becoming better version of yourself and working on yourself, and improving your life and the quality of your life and building businesses and making an impact and all these things. And he would try to share some of this personal development with me. And I would just be like, that is so stupid, right? I was too busy watching The Bachelorette and stuff like that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But, I mean, it's still like The Bachelorette. But I wasn't working on improving myself at all. Like I was just kind of taking the days as they came just in one day and the other.
And finally, I decided when I had started my first business that, you know, I really got to start doing some personal development here, because now I'm going to be building a business, and I need to help other people. And I know I need help. So if I can't help myself, how am I going to help other people? How am I going to have an impact on people? How am I going to make a ripple effect happen if I'm not willing to take the time to work on myself? And that was what I was missing.
And so I started this personal development and I started, you know, reading better things. I started reading incredible books that would help me with my mindset, and about myself and learning how to be your authentic version of yourself. I was watching better things. I was listening to podcasts, I was listening to different books on Audible. And as I was doing all of these things, and doing this personal development and making these changes in my life, and making these new habits a part of my everyday life, what ended up happening was the circle of people that I was hanging out with, except for a couple of people, they didn't really like the fact that I was growing, because I started to realize that some of those people in my circle, were treating me like shit. And I had been allowing it to happen for years because of that lack of confidence, a little bit of a lower self-esteem, and insecure. And I started to realize that I had to make better choices with who I was letting into my close circle. Didn't matter if you were family or not. I had to protect my inner peace. And I had to make sure that I was making the right decisions with who was I spending the majority of my time with. What were the conversations like when I was hanging out with those people? Right? Where are the people who are stuck in the past, constantly gossiping about people, or were they people who were working on becoming a better version of themselves because they had that piece in common with me and they were visionaries and they wanted to look toward the future to create the best life possible. It makes a huge difference.
And so, as the years were going by, I started to realize that, you know, be okay with making mistakes. I learned to just be, βOh okay, with making mistakes, I learned that I can be more vocal and I started to be more vocal.β I started to just say whatever I want to say like some people are like, βOh my god, Kathi, like, you don't even have a filter.β I mean, I do. But trust me, there's people worse out there. But I just kind of say what comes to my mind. And it's like you either like me or you don't, I can be a lot. For some people, you're going to know immediately whether or not you like me or not. And that's okay. I started letting myself act the way I wanted to act, saying the things I wanted to say, speaking up about things that I want to speak up about, that I was scared to speak up about before because I was afraid of always ruffling feathers. And I never wanted to cause any, you know, any kind of conflict. And by doing this, and by being who you really are meant to be like your true authentic self, it brings the right people into your life. And the right people will be attracted to you and the right people will stay. And I had to learn that it's okay for not everyone to like me, that you don't want everyone to like you because you're not for everyone anyways. And so instead of just being in the background, shy, little quiet Kathi, vanilla Kathi, I was like, I'm going to be freaking rocky road with chocolate sprinkles, and rainbow sprinkles, extra whipped cream, and a cherry on top beat that.
So I had to learn that. I thought that you wanted to be liked by everybody. Not that you want to go around being an βAβ hole, right? And purposely causing people not to like you. But what I'm saying is, is that you're just not for everybody, you're not. And it's impossible to make everybody happy all the time. And when you try to live a life like that you let yourself down. And you need to be the most important person in your life. Because when you take care of yourself, and you protect your inner peace, and you work on your mindset, and you're practicing this every single day, then you can be the best version of yourself. For everybody else who you come in contact with, you can be the best mom, you can be the best wife, you can be the best friend, you can be the best sister, you can be the best daughter you can be if you do these things, right? And like I said, when you're you, the right people will always be attracted to you. And they're going to stick around for the long haul.
So I learned through going through all of this that I had to raise the bar. For what I was allowing into my life, I had to raise my standards for friendships, I had to raise my expectations. I had to be okay with letting some people go and letting other things go. And I had to raise the bar specifically for how I would allow people to treat me and speak to me, right? I started listening to better things all the time, reading better things, watching the better things surrounding myself with visionaries. People who are just so focused on growth, and not just growth in business, but growth as a person. Because if you're not working to get better every day, so if people don't get this, they think that you just stay the same, you don't stay the same. You are either slowly getting better or slowly getting worse, every single day. And who you are surrounding yourself with is everything.
So I started surrounding myself with these people who were visionaries. And they were so focused on this growth and becoming a better version of themselves. And they were so focused on the future and talking about, βHey, what's coming next down the pipeline? Let's know how exciting this is,β βHey, what do you have going on? Oh, that's amazing. That's going to be so exciting for you, congratulations.β Things like that. Versus surrounding yourself with people who are stuck in the past, blaming their past for their actions today. And gossiping. It's all just so toxic.
But this took me 30 years to work through literally 30 years of me going through and I mean, I have so many other stories that I could share. But it took me 30 years to finally hit the point where I was like, something has got to change here. I have got to start working on myself. I was always a positive person. It wasn't like I wasn't not a positive person. I was always a happy person. But I was just my light was just dimmed. I was afraid to really let it shine. And I've been working really hard on this stuff now, for the last 12 years. I'm 42 years old now. And I'm continuing to work on this every day. It doesn't end. It's like if you're working on your health and fitness, there's no endpoint. It's just a part of your life. You have the identity, that I'm going to be a healthy, fit, strong, energetic person, and you establish the habits and you start working on these things every single day. It's just part of your everyday routine. Same exact thing with your personal growth, with your mindset, with your mentality with how you talk to yourself with the people you surround yourself with. It's just a part of who I am. It's a priority. To me, it's non-negotiable, that I work on this every single day.
You know, when I drive around in the car, I'm listening to personal development. Yes, I do listen to my music as well. Trust me, there are those moments where I'm like, βOh, man, I'm feeling really stressed out. And I'd like to just go for a drive. When that happens, sometimes I'll just go get a coffee, or I'll bring my energy drink in the car, and I'll put on some pumped-up music really loud to I basically almost go deaf. And I'll sing along, and I'll dance to it. And that always makes me feel better. But for the most part, I will put on something that is going to help me grow, something that's going to help me think differently about something. And it helps me out so much. And I believe that you were the most qualified to help the person you used to be. And so I'm talking to that person who was like me before. And maybe that's you right now, even as an adult. And that's okay.
You have to go through these struggles of figuring out who you are. You have to learn for yourself. Like you have to go through these really uncomfortable times of discomfort where you're like, βOh, this feels so awkward. Like this is kind of tough right now, I just don't really like the way that this feels. This is so hard. I wish it were a little bit different. How can I change this?β You have to struggle. So that way you can find the growth on your own to get out there and make it through the real tough times. It's all part of figuring out who the hell you are and who you're meant to be. You know, like there was a story one time that I heard about this farmer, and he was walking through his farm. And he looked over at this tree, and he saw this little cocoon hanging from a branch. And it was kind of wiggling a little bit. And he went over to it and just watched it for a little bit. And inside this cocoon was a butterfly trying to get out and he could tell that the butterfly was really struggling. The butterfly was trying so hard to just break through that cocoon, and couldn't get out and he sat there and he stood there for a good 20 minutes just watching this butterfly struggle, struggle, struggle, wiggle back and forth, wiggle back and forth with no hole even coming through at all, no sign of this butterfly being able to come out at all. And the farmer felt so bad. For the butterfly, he wanted to help the butterfly because he could see that this butterfly was really struggling and he didn't want to watch it struggle anymore. So he sliced off the bottom of the cocoon, and out fell the butterfly. And it fell right to the floor, and it died. And what he didn't realize in that moment until it happened was that that butterfly had to struggle. And stay in that cocoon for a certain amount of time struggling until its wings got strong enough so that when it finally did break through, it could fly away and be free. And that's exactly like you, you are the butterfly in this cocoon, just trying to work your way through all these struggles.
You don't want someone to come and hand it to you, and help you out. Because then, you're not going to learn what you need to learn. So that you can make it through the really hard times, right, you want to be resilient, you want to be stronger, you want to have more confidence. You want to be happier, you want to be a more successful entrepreneur and have a bigger impact. You have got to go through these times of personal struggle. It's everything to your growth, you've got to learn for yourself. You know, we are not put here on this earth to just exist. We're not here to just like, here you are, here's your life, just whatever. And just take it day in and day out.
We're all here for a reason. We all have a purpose. And you may not know what it is right now, and doesn't need to be this huge ass thing. But we're all here for a purpose for a reason. And we all have a purpose. But it was really me realizing through all of this growth, that I needed to work on me. And I had to want to work on me. That's the other thing. You have to want to become better. You have to want to work on yourself and improve the quality of your life. I had to start filling my head with more positive stuff. I had to work hard on my mindset. I had to start watching better things. And I had to start watching more closely who I was spending the majority of my time with.
What are those conversations like when we're together? And how do I feel after leaving all of those situations? Do I feel better? Or do I feel stressed out and like oh, that was a shitshow never again and sometimes you have to make some hard decisions. It's not easy, but I would not be where I am today without going through those hard identity moments in my life when I was younger, we all go through that. All of us, there's no one that's exempt. And some of us grow out of them and grow into this amazing version of ourselves. Because we recognize and are aware that we want to become better. And let's work on this. And why not right? And then some of us just don't.
If you're listening to this podcast, I can guarantee that you are someone who does want to be the best version of themselves. Obviously, you wouldn't be listening to a podcast in the first place. That's all personal growth, you definitely wouldn't be listening to one titled, Do Life Big, right? You do want to live your very best life possible. You want to be the best mom, the best wife, friend, daughter, entrepreneur, while you're here on this earth. And that takes work. And it takes daily work, but it's so worth it. Because like I said, when you work on you, everybody else's quality of life is better. Because you bring such a positive impact to everyone who you talk to and communicate with and speak with.
I would have never built two businesses, wrote a children's book, moved on a Massachusetts away from everyone I knew down to Florida. I mean, my God, even asked my mom, she's like you have all the children that I've had, we have she has three kids, I would have never in a million years expected that you would have been the one to move. And no, because like I said, as a child, I was not that type of a person. Because it takes balls to at 35 years old, all of a sudden be like, You know what? This place that I've been living in my whole entire life with all my connections and everything and family, I'm just going to move down to Florida. I don't know a single solitary soul. But we're going to do the damn thing. Right?
People don't like change, it's extremely scary, and most people won't do it. And I was sick and tired of being most people, that was a thing. I was sick and tired of being most people, I was sick and tired of just being mediocre day in and day out. I want it to be fricking great. And especially as a parent, I wanted my kids to be able to say that, you know, my mom, she was always working on herself. She was always trying to help people, she was always trying to help herself. She was always trying to help us. And that was really important to me. But I never would have made that move. And I would have never started this podcast, I would have never taken the risk to invest in to Airbnb properties. If I didn't use those moments of my past to shape me and grow me into the person that you're hearing from today.
Most people look back. And you know what they do? They blame their past. They blame their past for how and why they are the way they are today. No matter how old they are. I look back and I thank my past for everything. Because even in those hard moments, even those really tough times, even in the stressful, sad, chaotic times, it allowed me to rise above, it allowed me to learn from it. It allowed me to be the best version of myself that I am today.
I would not be who I am without any of that. So ask yourself, right? Are you looking back at your past blaming your past? Or are you going to start to look at your past and think your past and use it as a gift? My past allowed me to develop into this confident, limitless, go-getter motherfucker mentality to someone who takes risks and does things even when it's uncomfortable. And you know what? That takes guts. And I didn't have that confidence. And I did not have this attitude as a child. But I'm sure as hell do now.
And I want it for you to the past is your gift. You can always learn from it. But don't ever blame it. So what are you still working to overcome today? What is something that you can work on? Pick that one thing, start to work on it. And just remember these simple things, Am I listening to things that are making my mind better that are making me feel good? What am I reading? Am I reading things that are helping to grow me and helping me work through these areas that I know I need to improve on? am I watching things that are making me feel good, that are positive, that are inspiring, that are just giving me that feel-good feeling? And most importantly, most importantly, the most important freaking thing? Am I surrounding myself with the right people?
Those four things will change everything for you. For the people you come in contact with, for the quality of your life, for your inner peace, for your happiness, for everything, everything will change. The second that you number one started thinking your past, use it as a gift. What can you learn? Be your authentic self, be willing to work on yourself every single day, and be okay with making some hard decisions sometimes. That's just life.
So, I hope that you really enjoyed this episode. I am so appreciative that I had you here. I believe in you. You know, I love you. And I think that you're awesome. So I will see you the next time.
