Hey, my friend, what is up and welcome back to another episode of Do Life Big. I am so excited to have you here. Hey, listen, if you are someone who has just started diving into personal development or self-help, or you've been doing it for a while, this episode is going to be for you. Because today we're going to be talking all about the two problems that I have seen happen over the last ten years of being an online entrepreneur myself of just working with thousands of people. The two main problems that seem to pop up with personal development specifically once someone realizes and becomes aware that they have an area in their life that they need to work on or improve on. So if that's you, and you're all about personal development, which clearly you are listening to this podcast right now, then this is gonna be a really good one for you. So, I hope you're doing awesome.
And you know, I wanted to talk about this today. Because, you know, personal development wasn't something that I always did or practiced as a matter of fact, and I think I'm going to share in this before a while ago, my husband was the one way back in the day, like 20 years ago, he was really big into personal development. And I used to just knock it and make fun of it. And think it was stupid and a waste of time and all this crazy stuff. And it wasn't until I became an online entrepreneur over ten years ago where I realized that if I am in the industry of wanting to help other people become better, then the only way that I'm going to be able to help other people become better is if I work on myself first, and I become better myself.
And so over the last ten years of working with thousands of people in terms of their health and fitness or their mindset, or in terms of building a business from home, I've seen these two main problems with personal development, once people start to dive into this self help personal development area, which is so important to do, and it's a really, really important part of my day. It's something I do every day, and I've done every day for over ten years now. It's just a part of my daily routine.
But the two things that seem to really hold people back with personal development. And the first thing is this. So when we start to get into personal development, right, we noticed that you know, there are some things that we want to improve in ourselves. It's not that we think anything is necessarily wrong with us. But we want to improve. So if you could kind of just imagine that you have this piece of paper out, and you draw a line right across the middle, that line going across the middle is representing like normal, like, this is how you're supposed to be, this is how I'm supposed to act this, I'm supposed to feel this is normal. And then we start to become aware that we have this area that we want to work on, you know, sometimes, you know, ignorance is bliss. And when we start to see that we have these areas or areas that we need to work on, we can tend to think that these are flaws.
And we look at it now instead of seeing that line going across the page as being normal, right where I'm supposed to be, we see ourselves falling below that line, feeling like we're flawed or that we have something wrong with us or why am I like this. And we can start to think that I'm just not normal. Because the way that I'm acting or the way that I'm feeling, or the way that I'm behaving is not normal. There's something wrong with me, or there's something flawed about me. And what I've seen happen over the last ten years now of working with people is that now once you have this awareness that there's something you need to work on, you have the spotlight on it, right? Like, oh, man, you know, I have this anger issue that I need to fix, or you know, this drinking problem that I need to work on or I have way too much stress or anxiety, you know, I need to work on this. I need to fix this. And they now think that there's something wrong with them now that they've become aware to this, they're aware of it, and they're aware of what's normal, and now they view themselves as below that line of normal.
Something's wrong, and then what that does is it just brings on a lot of stress because you start thinking there's something wrong with you when really there's not. And then you start to think, Okay, well, I need to improve myself, just so I can be normal, just so I can be like everyone else, you know, I need to get better. And the thing is, it's not very motivating when you're trying to work to just be normal, and try to just fit in and be like everyone else, you know, I just need to work on myself just to feel okay. That's not very motivating, right?
So, let me just set this straight. If you have something that you're trying to work on right now, whether it's stress or anxiety, or it's a drinking problem, or it's anger, whatever it may be, you are normal. Trust me, we all have that thing that we are trying to work on several things. There's nothing wrong with you. So this is the first problem that I start to see, when people start to dive into personal development, that they're aware that they have this thing they want to work on. And now they start to view themselves as something is wrong with me.
Now, the second thing that I see is that once we start working on this area, and we start to improve on ourselves, and we're trying to get better, we're trying to work on this thing, we all of a sudden start to have this thought in our mind like this, when will we get there feeling like when is it going to happen? When are we finally going to reach this destination? When will this problem go away? When will I finally feel or be perfect in this area? When will I get there? You know, you start to work on this, and you're practicing it, and you're really being aware of it. And you're doing this every day, little by little, and then you start to see some progress. And then it's just, like, not happening fast enough. And then this is where you can start to fall back into old habits.
You know, this is where you can start to think, man, you know, I thought I was done with this thing. I thought that I was past this. I thought I was over with this. I thought I was done with this anger thing or working on this anger problem that I had. And I just totally lost my temper; what is wrong with me? And now, because this thing comes back, then you start to shame and guilt yourself because this thing that you were supposed to be perfect at and working on. And you thought was gone is now back. And listen, here's the thing with personal development, there is no destination. There's no destination with personal development when you start working on yourself. There is no, I'm finally there. I have arrived at all. It's an ongoing thing. You know, and and I'm not sure if we will ever get fully past all these things. I mean, who am I to say this, right? You know, for example, I've been working on myself for over ten years now. And when I even think about myself, there's nothing that I'm truly 100% past. You know, let me give you an example here. So when I started diving into personal development ten years ago, when I first became a little baby online entrepreneur, right, I was a major people pleaser, a major worrywart personality, you know, I'm not 100% passed either those things. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a hell of a lot better because I work on it every single day. But I'm not completely past it. You know, listen, all my crap comes to the surface occasionally. Once in a while, it will just be like, poof, there it is. But it's nothing like it used to be. And that's okay.
So we constantly, until the day we die need to practice this self-development. Honestly, it's almost like peeling an onion back. You know, you get past one thing or that one layer. And then there's another layer right there. There's another thing that needs to be worked on. We're just constantly evolving. You know, like I just mentioned, with me starting out ten years ago, just living a life of being a constant people pleaser, a worrywart, constantly caring about what others thought of me, you know if someone would say something negative to me, or that hurt my feelings, I mean, I would hold on to her forever. These are all areas that I've had to work hard on. And I still do. I still do every day. And but what I noticed, and what you will notice, is that these things will start to bother you, and they will start to pop up less and less. And just maybe, just maybe, if we keep working on these things, we will finally get to a point where it just doesn't bother us at all anymore, right?
So listen, just release a destination in your mind of you. Getting to a place where it's going to be perfect is just not possible. And all too often, we're going to fall back into our triggers and back into our patterns. And the worst thing that we can do in that moment is judge ourself, or guilt ourself, and shame ourself. Things like, you know, your son such an idiot, what's wrong with you? I thought your past this, you know, you read 20 books this past year, and you still are passes? What an idiot, right? You know, it's thoughts like that. It's kind of almost like when you have an old wound that's trying to heal in your body, you know, you look at it, you notice that it's starting to open back up. And instead of just letting it be and leaving it alone and allowing it to heal in time, you start to pick it open and just pour salt on top of it and make it ten times worse, right? What if we just never did that? And if you need help, okay, with these negative thoughts that are going into your mind that start to consume you, like, you know, I'm just not good enough, or what an idiot, you know, I keep making the same mistake, what's wrong with me, there's gotta be something wrong with me, then, definitely make sure that you snag my free guide that I put together for you at Kathireuter.com/thinkthisnotthat, I will put this in the show notes for you. But it is a list of the 19 of the most common limiting beliefs that people think that hold them back, keeping you in that negative thought pattern. And it will give you a more empowering positive belief to replace that other belief or thought with instead, it starts with the thoughts in your mind. So you're going to get lost, you're going to get lost. And then you're going to find yourself. And you're going to do that over and over again in this life. It's just a never-ending cycle.
You know, sometimes, in order to find out who you are, you also need to find out who you're not. And so that means that sometimes you have to lose yourself to go and find yourself again. So how about when we mess up and we realize it? How about we just give ourselves some grace? We're not going to spend our time shaming or guilting ourselves. So how about when we mess up and realize it? How about we give ourselves some grace? How about we stop shaming ourselves or start guilting ourselves?
Instead, think, hey, you know what, I'm continuing to work on myself. I’m better than I have ever been. I'm better than I was two weeks ago. But there are still some things that I'm working on. There's, but there's nothing wrong with me. And I'm just working on me. And we're just going to keep on going day by day, day by day. There's no destination. And there's nothing wrong with you. So keep on working on yourself, realize that you are completely normal. Everybody has areas in their life that they want to work on. Okay, you're not any less than there's nothing wrong with you. There's no problem. And just get that destination piece out of your mind. And just put it in your mind that this is an ongoing journey. And we're going to continue to evolve and become the best version of ourselves that we can become. And be proud of yourself for at least being aware that there are certain areas in your life that do you need improvement and that you're willing to actually show up and put in the work to improve those areas. So, thanks so much for listening today. You know, I love you. I think you're awesome. And I will see you the next time.
