Hey, my friend! What's up? And welcome back to Do Life Big. I am pumped to have you here again. I hope that you're doing awesome. I hope that you are having a fantastic day, and before we dive into today's episode, I just want to make sure that you did not miss out on this. But I actually created this completely free resource for you to help you flip your limiting beliefs that you have in your mind. So what I've done is I created this document that is about 19 to 20 of the most common limiting beliefs or negative thoughts that online entrepreneurs have, and then what you can think instead. And I've also included some blank spaces there at the bottom in case for some reason yours isn't there. You can flip it to a more positive self-serving one. So just go snag that you can go to kathireuter.com/thinkthisnotthat it will be in the show notes. But you can go grab it; it's totally free. And we can get you moving in the right direction, get rid of those limiting beliefs, get rid of that negative self-talk, and get you moving in the right direction.
All right, so let's dive into today's episode, we're going to be talking all about why creating change is so hard, and we're going to be talking about the different stages of emotions that we must all go through in order to see the change that we want. So, you know that in order for things to change in your life, that you have to change in some way to create that change that you want to see, right? And there's just no way around it. You've got to change if you want to see change. If you don't change, or you don't do anything differently than what you're doing right now, then you'll just continue to get the same results you've been getting, and your life won't change at all.
Now, here's the thing, a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that in time, their life will just automatically change as time goes by without actually doing anything different on their end. And that's just not true. There's just no sense in just sitting around waiting and waiting and waiting and hoping that things will change. And you'll get the result that you want or the change that you want because if you do that, you're gonna be waiting forever. It just doesn't work like that. You have to physically get out there, do the work and create the change that you want to see in yourself or in your life.
Have you ever heard that quote from Einstein, he said, “To keep doing the same thing over and over again and continue to get the same results is the definition of insanity.” Right? It's because it's a fact, it's 100% true.
Creating change in yourself and your life actually causes you to go through a lot of different emotions. But if you can understand the different stages of emotions that you experience on this path of change, then you'll be more likely to stay on this path to actually create the change that you want to see in your life and see it through versus getting discouraged giving up and quitting, which is what most people do. You'll be able to push through and keep going versus giving up. And that's what I want for you. So I hope that this is going to help you out right now. I actually know it's going to help you out right now.
So let's dive into the five different stages of emotions that you go through as you're about to create this change in your life, right. So just think about some change that you've tried to make or maybe you want to make. And it can be anything. It could be something small. It could be something big it could be you want to start just making healthier choices, or maybe you want to start exercising for once, or maybe you want to start, you know, talking more kindly to people around you. I mean, it could be anything, anything at all. But when you go on this path, this first stage that you go through when you're starting out with this new change in this new thing or whatever it is, you are feeling like, so optimistic, you're feeling great, right? You're at the beginning of the change. And, you know, you're just excited. Have you ever noticed that, like, when you start out with this brand new thing brand new idea, or the brand new, whatever it is, you are so excited? It’s the beginning stages. Because you don't know what you don't know. And everything is new, and it's exciting and refreshing. And it's like a breath of fresh air, and everything, you're just feeling awesome.
And you have all this optimism for the change that you want to make because you aren't really aware of the difficulties that lie ahead as you go through doing what is actually required of you to make this change that you want. And then what most people do, is they start out like this, all gung ho. And then, as they get further along, they get discouraged and give up or just quit. So if you're someone who has no problem starting something but then you can't seem to stick it out until the end to get the change you actually want your life, then pay close attention here.
Now, before I keep going, here's a little tip, all right? For when you start out at the beginning of this change that you're creating, and you have all this optimism, and you have all this excitement, for this desired change that you're going after, what you really need to do is write down why you are making this change, or want to make this change in the first place. And write down all the benefits that are going to come to you in your life once the change is actually made. So those two things, why is it important that I make this change? So why am I starting this? Why am I doing this? And what are all the positive benefits that are going to come to me in my life, once I actually see it through to the end.
It's important that you do this. That's the most important part because as you continue on and you start to feel like giving up, which is going to happen, you can look back on why you started in the first place. And also be reminded of the positive outcomes that will come if you push through. All right. So don't forget that piece it's so important.
Everything in life has a cost. If you delay taking care of your health later on down the road, there's a cost to that. There's literally a cost to everything negative and positive that you have in your life. So in this first stage of change, you're seeing all the positives, you're seeing all the benefits down the road from making this change, but you aren't looking or seeing any other negatives that are going to be thrown in your path yet, because you don't know what you don't know. But as you continue down this path of change, slowly, the excitement starts to fade the further you go, because then you realize you're going to actually have to grow. And you're going to actually have to change in order to get that change that you're after, and this feels uncomfortable.
And remember, I always say, and I've said it before in previous episodes, that your brain does not like change. It doesn't want you to change, it wants you to stay comfortable. It wants to keep you doing the same exact thing that you've been doing, because it's what it knows, it's routine, and it's expected. And remember what I said in previous episodes about your brain wanting to keep you exactly where you are. It doesn't want you to change. It doesn't like change. It wants routine, it wants you doing the same comfy things that you've been doing day in and day out for as long as you've been doing them, even if you know deep down you're miserable and you need to make this change, and it's important that you make this change. It will try to keep you right where you are. So in this first stage of emotions, this is where now you're super excited. And you're looking to the benefits of the end goal of what's going to happen once you actually see it through. But you start to get a little bit further down this path, and you realize, “Oh man, I'm going to actually have to do something a little bit different. Darn it!”
Now we're gonna be moving into stage two. So the second stage of emotions, this is where it has some more negativity to it because now you're starting to become aware of the changes that you personally are going to have to make. You realize that you just can't keep doing what you've been doing. And it starts to get you discouraged. And now you're starting to see some of the difficulties that lie ahead, and how you personally and your life are going to have to change, and the benefits that you saw so brightly at the beginning when you first started - don't seem so bright anymore. They don't seem so real.
And this is where frustration and anxiety can start to creep in. And that little inner bitch voice, is what I like to call it, starts to come through into your head, and you start to hear that little inner bitch voice say things like, “You should just quit. This was stupid to even try. What were you even thinking?”
Change is uncomfortable for humans. It's so common to have these feelings at this point in the process. And then the reality starts to set in like, “Ah! you know, maybe I just can't really do this after all.” And then all that excitement, and all those positive emotions that you had when you started out, they start to dwindle away.
And then, we get to the third stage of emotion, which is basically what I like to refer to as, “The valley of despair.” This is the lowest point that you'll go through when you're on your journey to create that change that you want to see in yourself or in your life. This is where you're going to start to experience the pain of the change, and the benefits of creating this change now seem so so far away. So far away that they don't even feel important to you anymore. And the easiest thing to do at this point is to just quit and give up. And that's what most people do.
But you're not going to do that because you're listening to this episode right now! And I want to walk you through this so that you can see that this is just natural and normal. All these stages are inevitable; you have to go through every single one of them if you want that change that you're going after.
But this is why most people are so great at starting. And they're terrible at finishing. Because they get to this point here, they get to stage three, they get to this point here, and then they quit. And then they start something else. Or they try to do the same thing again. And then they keep going back down to this valley of despair, the stage three, and then they quit again. And then they start something new again. And then the cycle just keeps repeating, with no change in your life at all.
And it's a lot easier to just quit and go back to old comfy ways of doing things, right? Like right now, I feel like I'm in the valley of despair while I'm potty training my three-and-a-half-year-old at home, which is way long overdue. But we're on day two. Currently, as I'm recording this - it's supposed to be three full days of you staying in the house all day long, don't go anywhere. It's like a valley of despair right here. But there's no going back. Like, I have to complete this so I can get the desired change that I want for my three-year-old and for my life because I know it'll make things easier for me but the valley of despair is totally relatable right now, to me, as I'm recording this. So it's a lot easier at this point to just quit and go back to your old comfy ways, right?
It's so much easier to do that as things get hard, isn't it, to just be like, “Forget it. Throw in the towel, I'm going back to the old ways I was doing things. Whatever. Who cares? This was dumb.” But if you decide to give up here, you eventually are going to start something new again. You Are! We all do. And then the same thing is going to continue to happen. And this affects how you show up in everything that you do in your life, there's just no way to avoid these emotional stages of change that you go through when you're trying to create change in your life.
And if you quit stage three, you will eventually have to go to stage one again. And then stage two, and three, and so on and so forth. And this is where when you're at the stage right now where that grass is greener mentality can start to come into play. And it's because you're in the valley of despair. You're at the low of the freakin low right now. But you're looking to stage one of something else, that shiny, awesome person or object or thing, whatever it is, with all that excitement and positivity, and you don't see any of the unknowns of the negativity is of the things that are going to happen with that path, all you're seeing is how awesome it is.
But you will eventually go through to stage three of that new thing as well. And so when you think about quitting, you need to remember why you started. And this is why when you're in stage one, starting out with all that excitement, this is why it's so important that you write down why you started in the first place and what all the positive benefits are that will come from you pushing through and not giving up.
When you get to the lowest of lows, you can be reminded, “Oh yeah, this is why I started this in the first place, I must keep going.” So that's why it's so important to have those things written down from that first beginning stage with all that excitement. Now the good thing about being at this point, in stage three, the valley of despair, is that you're literally at rock bottom of your emotional change. So there's only one way to go - (If you keep going) and that's up. Things can only get better from here on out.
Now, at this fourth stage of the emotional change that you're going to go through, the road of possibility starts to come back into vision. You know what you know at this point, and you accomplishing that change is finally getting brighter. You can start to see it. It's coming back into vision. You're starting to become more optimistic now at this point, and the success you want or that change you want. It seems more real, and it feels awesome. You're getting better. And the benefits of working through all the other previous stages. They're starting to pay off, and you're starting to actually see it paying off.
Things seem easier for you. You're starting to see the fruits of your labor. They're actually paying off. You're getting those little signs from the universe to show you that, “Hey, keep going! You're on the right path. Here's a little nugget of success, keep going, don't stop, you've got this!” You know, maybe you're running a new business. And at this point, now, all of a sudden, you get like three to five new clients or customers. Or maybe you're handed that next big account that you can handle with your career. Things like this start to happen. And now you start to think, “Hmm, well, this is cool! Maybe I do have what it takes. Maybe I can do this after all". And you're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that feeling of, “Wow! I think I can actually be successful at this. I think I can actually do this". And that feeling feels awesome for you.
And now, we move into the final emotional stage of change, which is all revolved around pure excitement and fulfillment. Wouldn't it be nice to go from stage one to five, just kind of skip over all that, just start stage one, go right to stage five, bing, bang, boom. But you can't, I know. You gotta go through all the stages to get here. No one is exempt from going through these stages when they're on a mission to create a change in themselves personally or in their life.
When you're finally in this last stage, with all this excitement of fulfillment, this is where you actually start thinking to yourself, “Damn! I am so glad that I stuck it out. Can you imagine if I quit? I'm so glad I kept going. Man, was it worth it!” And you've crossed that finish line. And you truly believe that, at this point, you've made it! You've done it! And it's because you have, you've succeeded, you've built new habits and disciplines at this point that are part of your day-to-day routine. And you can continue to keep working on yourself in your life to make it better, and you want to do it. Because now you have that confidence and that belief in yourself that, “Hey, any kind of change that I want to create in me or my life, I can do it. And I know what it's going to take to go through it. Because I just did it.” It is something that you want to do.
Now, sometimes people say, “Hey, like, well, what's the most important thing that I can do, when I'm going through stage two and three here, where the discouragement and all of those negative thoughts are coming into my mind, and the self-doubt? And I'm starting to question whether or not I can really make this change. Or do I really have what it takes to create this change"? Or you're in stage three, and you're really at rock bottom, that valley of despair, you know, what's the most important thing that you can do, so that you continue to keep going, and you don't just give up and be like most people and quit and stop.
And the most important thing that you can do when you are in stage two or stage three is to keep taking some small action every single day toward the goal that you're trying to go after. Know that you're going to feel unmotivated. You're going to. But regardless of how you feel, you still take those baby steps of action toward that goal every single day, no matter what. Don't focus on being motivated. That's all a bunch of BS anyways, right?
Just focus on waking up, seeing that goal, that change that you want. And taking that first little baby step of an action toward it. No matter how you feel that day. The most successful people in the world, they don't sit around waiting until they feel good to take the action to create the change that they want in their life. Otherwise, they wouldn't be the most successful people in the world.
The most successful people in the world take action every single day, even if it's a teeny, teeny, tiny baby step, no matter what, to give them a chance to feel good, right? And Tony Robbins once said, “progress creates happiness.” Everyone wants to feel good. And as long as you're taking small baby steps toward that change, you're going to make progress. And you're going to start to feel better. And you're going to start to feel happier. And things are going to start to really fall into place in your life and just everything around you is going to start to become better.
We don't know how long it will take to create this change. It really just depends on what you're going for. I don't know exactly what that change is that you're after right now. I don't know how big of a change it is. But eventually, you will get to stage five of that success and fulfillment. It will happen. Just don't give up! You go through these stages. We all do! You're aware of them now. You know it's inevitable. Everyone who creates positive change in their life goes through them, and now you know it's normal as you go through them too. You don't have to worry about pointing the finger back at yourself and being like, “Oh man, I'm just not cut out for this, I don't have what it takes.” Because that's not true! Every single person goes through all these stages as they create change in their life.
And now you know what it's going to take to create that change that you want, you know the roller coaster of the five different stages that you're going to have to go through of all those emotional changes if you want to get that desired outcome that you want. And now, you know that stopping and quitting at stage three in the valley of despair is not an option for you anymore. You know that you're going to keep going and take one small baby step at a time so that you can move into stage four, and then move into stage five, and then look back at yourself and say, “Damn! I did it! I am so glad that I didn't quit.”
So I hope that today's episode helped you out. Listen, if you really found it valuable and you loved it, I would really appreciate it. If you just shared it right now on Instagram. Tag me on it @katherinereuter, and just get this out there to more people help spread the word for me. It would mean so much to me. And just thanks so much for being here. You know, I love you. I believe in you. I think you're awesome. Keep crushing it, and I will see you the next time. See ya!
